The Suicide Reference: Introduction

So you’ve had a bad day, month, year, or life. Or maybe some lunatic is going to chop your limbs off next week. Or maybe you’ve been dared. Whatever your reason is, you’ve decided that it’s time you leave this wretched place because you feel Life is a sexually transmitted disease. Sure that’s all fine and all, but for the sake of yourself, your family, and society as a whole, please, DO IT RIGHT. Nothing is worse than a hasty, ill-planned, haphazard, last-minute suicide. This series of articles will help you organize and plan the last major event of your life in such a way that both you and your family will have a pleasant experience. The series is comprised of the following parts:

  1. Motivation. The driving force behind your decision to take the leap makes a huge difference to the outcome of the event.
  2. Methods. The manner of self demise defines your identity, or the lack thereof. You don’t want to fade away quietly in a boring manner. Besides, a subtle suicide is rather unentertaining and you have the right to have fun all the way to the end.
  3. Etiquette. You have to be considerate to your neighbours, family and society. You don’t want to cause trouble or inconvinience to others just because you had a bad day. There are certain standard rules to be followed.
  4. Suicide Notes. Writing a good note can make all the difference. Don’t you want your final message to be perfect?
  5. Final Thoughts. Your will. Your last wish. Your final words.Your funeral. Your obituary. Your destination (Heaven, Hell, Re-incarnation). Don’t forget a thing before you leave.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this series are purely for entertainment, and the author is not responsible for any inconvinience caused whether you follow the guidance or not. If you were instead looking for reasons to continue living, see Cheese. Or else if you were looking for an answer to life, the universe and everything, then it’s simple: 42.


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